OK EVERYONE: I'll admit, I stole the following from my all time favorite blogger: BOONDOGGLED (go there, you'll love it)..........very funny.


Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C \ .... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:I invented the chicken!

Sunglasses Indoors

Do you ever wonder why people wear sunglasses indoors or on a subway???? Then try to make you think they're actually reading a newpaper? How the hell can they see? Do they wear them because they think it makes them look cool? Or perhaps they're hungover and bright light hurts their eyes? Or maybe they live in such dark worlds they don't even realize they have them on! Well if you ask me, I think it's really dumb looking....makes me think they're trying to hide something....and please don't talk to me, indoors, with sunglasses on! If you can't let me look into your eyes, don't even bother thank you!

It's a workday?

I can't believe a new week is upon us once again. This weekend was fabulous....weatherwise, company wise, food wise.....etc. You couldn't beat it. Perfect! But I hate hot weather when I have to work! Don't like dressing for work....rather be on the beach. My brain is still in the weekend. Well...happy Tuesday!!!!! Now get to work!

Happy Dance Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
IT'S FRIDAY!
HAPPY DANCE!!!!!

Dog Day

Old Navy is seeking a new dog "mascot" for their TV ads. They had a casting call today at the park across the street from where I work......Here are some who worked like dogs trying to impress the judges........ sooooooooooo cute! Don't cha think?

twinheads

Yes , these heads are real!!! We're twins!!!

;-)

No Hope ;-(

Ok....Would someone please tell me what's going on here?

My doctor put me on a low carb diet last week, thought it would help with many of my complaints. Had hope!!!! Well, a week has gone by. Gained 3 pounds!

Hope vanishing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

One of those days

I see stupid people .......they're everywhere....they walk around like everyone else...they don't even know that they're dumb......

road kill

When you drive past "road kill", do you ever wonder how it got there? I mean, I know the animal walked into the road at the most inopportune time before becoming a big fat SPLAT! But what makes them do it to begin with? Suicidal tendencies? To get to the other side?

I have one answer: to get away from attacking killer birds.

Was driving to the train station this morning, doing my thing-listening to my music, putting on my sunglasses- bopping..etc., when this big black cat came zooming out into the street right in front of my car! Never saw a cat move that fast! Three birds were on top of him, pecking at his back....man oh man! scared me to death!!!

(No I didn't splatter him). But it just proved this: You never know when future road kill will step into your path!

Another Monday

HAPPY MONDAY!!!!!!

Was too sick all weekend to really accomplish anything but some well deserved rest..but now Monday is here all over again!!!!Aarrgghh!!!!!!

Steak Anyone?

Went for a walk at lunch....saw this....PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) trying to encourage folks to become vegetarians......My question is why didn't they have a naked man instead??????????????????

Hope

I don't have anything to report about today....but the feeling of the day is......
HOPEFUL! I've got a plan.....(thanks to my doctor).She put me on all sorts of supplements....(for my brain fog and fatigue)...got me on a good diet....
So....summer - LQQK out,,,,,,,, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Shit

Do you know the most functional word in the English language?

Well, it's shit... that's right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language!!

Consider:
You can get shit-faced, Be shit-out-of-luck, Or have shit for brains.With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!Well Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head..........Well, Shit Happens!!!

Snot's Day

Hmmmmm Guess who's birthday I forgot to tell you about?????
(He's been out partying since then.......(was May 5th)

Kahlil Gibran
... joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Lonesome

So lonely, the computer wires sit on my desk, misssing their connection, not knowing how long it will be until they are reuntied. They gave their modem life, until that fateful night when, poof, the hard drive went into nervous breakdown mode. So young too! And there they sit now awaiting it's return........so lonely.

Mom

Happy Mom's Day!!!!!!!!!!!

Saw the cutest thing this morning while walking the dog. Wish I had a camera.
Two lil boys, one about 5, one about 7. Walking with their father. I was behind them. They had backbacks on that looked as if they had lots of stuff in them. They were walking in front of me. Struggling with these back packs...walking along. In their hands they were carrying large boquets of flowers, and they just looked so proud to be carrying them....as if they couldn't wait to get home to Mom!

?????

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

;-)

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton

Wish List

Ok....I have to remember to bring my camera along when I go to work...I'm going to post my walk to work since i talk about it so much.

Another idea I had..interview doormen. Wonder how that would pan out. We'll see.

WOW

FROM THE ONION:

Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People
December 8, 1999 Issue 35•45

AL JIZAH, EGYPT—A team of British and Egyptian archaeologists made a stunning discovery Monday, unearthing several intact specimens of "skeleton people"—skinless, organless humans who populated the Nile delta region an estimated 6,000 years ago.

An archaeologist examines the intact remains of a spooky "skeleton person."
"This is an incredible find," said Dr. Christian Hutchins, Oxford University archaeologist and head of the dig team. "Imagine: At one time, this entire area was filled with spooky, bony, walking skeletons."

"The implications are staggering," Hutchins continued. "We now know that the skeletons we see in horror films and on Halloween are not mere products of the imagination, but actually lived on Earth."

Standing at the excavation site, a 20-by-20-foot square pit along the Nile River, Hutchins noted key elements of the find. "The skeletons lived in this mud-brick structure, which, based on what we know of these people, was probably haunted," he said. "Although we found crude cooking utensils in the area, as well as evidence of crafts like pottery and weaving, we are inclined to believe that the skeletons' chief activity was jumping out at nearby humans and scaring them. And though we know little of their language and means of communication, it is likely that they said 'boogedy-boogedy' a lot."

Approximately 200 yards west of the excavation site, the archaeologists also found evidence of farming.

"What's puzzling about this," Cambridge University archaeologist Sir Ian Edmund-White said, "is that skeletons would not benefit from harvested crops, as any food taken orally would immediately fall through the hole behind the jaw and down through the rib cage, eventually hitting the ground. Our best guess is that they scared away a group of human farmers, then remained behind to haunt the dwelling. Or perhaps they bartered goods in a nearby city to acquire skeleton accessories, such as chains, coffins and tattered, dirty clothing."

Continued Edmund-White: "The hole in that theory, however, is that a 1997 excavation of this area which yielded extensive records of local clans and merchants made no mention of even one animated mass of bones coming to town for the purpose of trade. But we are taking great pains to recover as much of the site as possible, while also being extremely careful not to fall victim to some kind of spooky skeleton curse."
As for what led to the extinction of the skeletons, Edmund-White offered a theory.
"Perhaps an Egyptian priest or king broke the curse of the skeletons, either by defeating the head skeleton in combat or by discovering the magic words needed to send their spirits back to Hell," Edmund-White said. "In any case, there is strong evidence that the Power of Greyskull played a significant role in the defeat of the skeleton people."
According to Hutchins, the skeletons bear numerous similarities to humans, leading him to suspect that there may be an evolutionary link between the two species.
"Like humans, these creatures walked upright on two legs and possessed highly developed opposable thumbs," Edmund-White said. "These and many other similarities lend credence to the theory that hundreds of thousands of years ago, human development passed through a skeletal stage. These skeletons may, in fact, be ancestors of us all."
"Any of us could be part skeleton," he added.
Other experts disagreed.
"The evidence of an evolutionary link between humans and skeletons is sparse at best," said Dr. Terrance Schneider of the University of Chicago. "Furthermore, it is downright unscientific to theorize that skeleton life originated in Egypt merely because mummies, another species of monster, are indigenous to the area. Spooky creatures are found all over the world, from the vampires of Transylvania to the headless horsemen of Sleepy Hollow."

Wings

My nana once told me that if you see a feather on the street it means your guardian angel was there and all the things that have been worrying you will disappear. I used to see feathers all the time....and had not in a long time. I've seen feathers in my path for the past two days now. I smile.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.~anonymous~

BLAH

Sometimes when I have nothing exciting to report about (which is almost always)....I think of a word that describes my mood, the weather, the feel of things...etc.....
Today's word is blah....not as in blah, blah, blah...but as in weather and mood......
It's cloudy, going to rain and I have a sinus headache that only a pound on the wall may take away. So there ya go......blah!

omgggggggggggggg

Stream of Consciousness

Thoughts while traveling...........

Happy....new job....nice people....
Hopeful....maybe...just maybe.....
Sad.....should I go back..to the life I left behind.....
Wanna dance....great song on the radio...
I sing...hope no one can hear me....(but they can see me bopping up and down)...
Eyes squinting.......sun coming up...need sunglasses...
Searching...found em....
Daydreaming..... people pop up in my mind.......wonder what happened to them.....
Friends......good to have.....
Mom....bless her........
Parking......to get on the train........
Shoving..pushing...from behind..........
Find a seat....
Read....good book....can't wait to finish....
Can't tho....my stop comes.......
Depart train.....up stairs....out to street........
Sunglasses again.......traffic.......horns......taxis.......
Walking.......planning route......
Taking a different one then usual......
Zigging instead of zagging.....
Buy flowers for my desk.........makes me happy.......;-)
Coffee....breakfast....wonderful things........
Into building........elevator ride........
My sunny office!!!! soon with flowers..!!!!!!!
A new day......a new beginning......................
Life is wonderful.........

My Tired World

Haven't consistently posted lately. Because? Just too tired when I get home from work..Don't feel like thinking. And besides...gotta play with the lil dog first...cook dinner...take a shower..get ready for the next day...Play games on my computer......Why aren't there 36 hours in a day? I think we should start a campaign to revise the calendar! That way I could do a lot more. (and sleep a lot more!)

Did I ever tell you how I love my ex-boss??????????

:-)

To Be Done...or Not to Be Done.......?????

Weekends.......the days one uses to get caught up with home "stuff"....the days one uses to rest.....I'd like to know where the rest comes in......I need to take Mondays off to rest....then I get all caught up in what I didn't do over the weekend...and then worry about taking off....I have books to read....wash to be done...dog to be bathed...flowers to be planted....floors to be washed...clothes to be put away.....shopping to be done....meals to be cooked....tv to be watched...music to be listened to....computer games to be played...car to be gassed....dishes to be washed....nails to be painted....legs to be shaved..(lol).....eyebrows to be tweezed....clothes to be ironed....lightbulbs to be changed....walls to be painted....rugs to be vacuumed....buttons to be sewn....blogs to be written....shall i go on???????????????????? HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!!