Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus
payment. This is a very exciting program. I'll explain it using the Q and A format

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of
China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely
  • If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.
  • If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
  • If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.
  • If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
  • If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
  • If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
  • If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:

1 Spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer or,
5 tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.



barb said...

Hey, my parents are having a Yard Sale in 2 weeks, Odat! Send them all here! Their stuff is so old that it was all made in America!

the walking man said...

The yard sale and prostitute could probably be afforded but the beer and ball game would be out of reach.

Anonymous said...

Hubby's on it!

buffalodick said...

Good advice!

Patti said...

That's one way to stimulate the economy.

haha - good one Odat!

Sarge Charlie said...


heartinsanfrancisco said...

I still adore you!!

This is hilarious and unfortunately, true. I will spend it on the first child-owned lemonade stand I can find. It will probably be about the same amount as a tall one costs.

Jeff B said...

Ha, batter up!