Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!

Sunday, January 14, 2007


Where To Live After Retirement

As we all know, sometimes we come face to face with the fact that it may be time to relocate. The big question is: where to?

Here are some tips:

You can Live in Phoenix , Arizona where.....
1.You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.You think Central Park is "nature,"
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy l ingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jim my Bob, Mary Sue , Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

You can live in Colorado where..
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

AND You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. And a superb plastic surgeon.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds


Gratitude list:

1) Popcorn

2) Rented movies

3) Rain

4) Take out food

5) Allergy medication


Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

odat you've been to florida i can tell. now me and sarge, we don't GEN-erally eat dinner (actually it is supper but who's counting?) before 4:30. we like to let the really old ones eat first. they're pushy you know. they'll knock you down to get in first. so they can order their "boca cocktail" (water with extra lemon, oh, and could we have some sweet and low here?) sigh... i know, they make us all look bad. now sarge, he's a big tipper. the waiters like him (alot). he figures what the hell? but i hate the first time we go anywhere, before they know him. we get treated like crap because we are old and live in florida and they think we are cheap. they assume. now they have pretty good reason for this assumption i guess, but it still gripes me. sigh.... enough of a rant yet honey? i thought so. sorry. good post.....bee

brat said...

40 "Thank You's" !!!!!!

Bikerbabenj said...

Happy Birthday Brat

...grumbling... YOUNGSTER!!!

Claudia said...

LOL!! I have to admit that #5 in Cali...telling how far things are by how long it takes is valid for FL too. Where did I live? about 1.5 hour from Miami. How far was Tampa? 3.5 hours! LOL....

Michael C said...

Awesome Post!! As a Californian, I choose Arizona or Maine. I have close relatives in both and can't argue with any point you made ;-)
Dry heat isn't all that bad! The rest of the country doesn't know how to eat artichokes? You dip the leaves in melted butter. I thought everyone knew that. It's something we had to master by our 6th birthday!
;-) Enjoy Funday tomorrow!

SGT DUB said...

Besides the prepostition remark, how much more did you get from my site about the midwest? I like ya'll, where ya'll from?

My Heart Runneth Over said...

I loved this list... I think the midwest would suit me best. I wa thinking California or Col. but your list just scared me! All the best! ~M

Lizza said...

Funny, funny list again. I'd pick Florida based on the list, but the warning about headless drivers just scared me off. :-)

Jocelyn said...

I love these geographic breakdowns! The whole renting a movie and buying bait at the same store cracked me up. Oh, and having gratitude for popcorn is something that resonates heartily with me.

mist1 said...

Y'all, I swear I will never leave the South. I just have to learn to love grits.

Pickled Olives said...

I can retire anywhere according to this. Boooyeah!

ShadowFalcon said...

I'm greatful for popcorn everyday.

Another Option for you Europe :-)

Crankster said...

I think I want to retire someplace cold. As Rhoda Morgenstern says, I'll stay fresher.