Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Women Talk

Words women use, so guys, be forewarned.

This is the word women use to end an
argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

If she is getting dressed this is half an hour. Five minutes is
only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to
watch the game before helping around the house.

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and
you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing"
usually end in "Fine".

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

This is not actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you
are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can
make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long
and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say
you're welcome.

It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

No, she's not hard of hearing. She's just giving you a chance
to recant the stupid thing that just came out of your mouth and
to either escalate the conflict by saying it louder (remember,
you'll lose) or to come up with a clever substitute that sounds
pretty close to it (like instead of saying, "That's why I hate
you," you would say, "That's why I dated you"). WARNING: If
you try to use "Nothing" as a response, she won't accept it.


Gratitude list
1) you guys
2) sleep
3) silliness
4) that i can read all the books I do
5) putting my two legs on the floor and waking up.


Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

hi odat! you are getting so smart honey! i like it when you tell the poor pathetic guys what we really mean, they have no clue otherwise...

and i know you still have my glasses honey. i tried to get another pair but they were so fuzzy like when i looked out of them. i found them at melons. they didn't much work. now give them back honey. okay?



smiles, bee

SGT DUB said...

Odat,I might be in trouble here, I just got off the phone with Mrs Dub, it went like this: "FINE, GO AHEAD for 5 MINUTES and do NOTHING.(LOUD SIGH) THAT'S OK, WHAT DID YOU SAY? WHATEVER!
I don't recall her saying "THANKS"

Bikerbabenj said...

omg sgt dub too freakin funny

Someone should remember to include this list in "child rearing for boys" It would make OUR lives much easier.

Jenn said...

too funny!
I work with all guys and we spend way too much time together...these rules go for coworkers as well...

Michael C said...

Why oh why could you not have posted this 3 nights ago??

Pickled Olives said...

If only my hubby knew this a long time ago, the last 13 years would have been kinmder to him.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Odat, this is brilliant! It could have widespread ramifications, like the heiroglyphics.

You are the Rosetta Stone for Womanspeak.

mist1 said...

When I say that I love those shoes, it means "buy them for me."

ian said...

I think that's why those Twix commercials are so successful. :)


The CEO said...

Given that you bend the space-time continuum with such ease, is there any wonder that men get so confused?

The CEO said...

Please note the wonderment.

Meloncutter said...

Well.... FINE! WHATEVER!!!

(It just doesn't seem to have the same effect when said by a male of the species)

Later Y'all

Claudia said...

I think my personal favorite is "Go Ahead."