Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Happy Sunday


JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE (I'm sure you've all heard these before, but they just cracked me up). Enjoy, or not. ;-)


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag>

Why is divorce so expensive?>
Because it's worth it.>
>
> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?>
> Doughnuts>
>
> Why is air a lot like sex?
> > Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>>
> What do you call a smart blonde?>
> > A golden retriever.>
>
> What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> 10 years and 45 lbs
>
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?>
> 45 minutes
>
>> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?>
> Through his chest with a sharp knife

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
>>
> Why is it so hard for w omen to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
>
> Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
>
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> Because they have cotton balls.
>
> What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? >
> A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>
> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> "Are you sure it's mine?">
>
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> Mace will do that to you.
>
> Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
> Everyone has the same DNA.
>
> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?> >
> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> >A different bar.>
>
> Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a
> blonde baby?>
> They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
>
>>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
> A speech impediment>
>
> What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
> A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
>
> How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>
>
> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
> A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time .." -
> A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....




Peace

22 comments:

Dianne said...

Hilarious stuff Odat.

Happy Sunday

crazy working mom said...

heh heh heh...very good! I loved the fairy tale. :)

buffalodickdy said...

I believed I enjoyed every darn one of them! Smart blonde- Golden retriever... that's a keeper!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

happy sunday odat!!! the last one is true!

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Casdok said...

The divorce one cracked me up!!! So very true!

Girl on the Run... said...

ODAT, YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE! All the best always! ~M

Sarge Charlie said...

TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNY Miss Odat, Yankee, that is the winner.

Akelamalu said...

Those were all hilarious! You made my Sunday!

The Mama Bear said...

Thanks for a much needed chuckle.

Patti said...

those were great, Odat!!

Sum Ting Wong!!! LOL

riseoutofme said...

Laughed my way down through this! Especially like the BMW one! So true!

Thanks!

Roger said...

hahaha great stuff Odat!! Hey I am back & I have a award for you if ya want it click here for your award!Your Blog Rocks!! Hope you have a great today & a awesome tomorrow!! :D

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I think I like the one about dogs chasing cars the best, but the sensitive, caring and good-looking men who already have boyfriends is great, too.

Happy Sunday, Odat!

Jeff B said...

I'm highly offended and won't be back!





Until your next post of course.

Bwahahaha

Say It said...

heheee! Thank you for the weekend laughs!

Walter Jeffries said...

*grin* Thanks for the laughs!

buffalodickdy said...

You didn't like my penguin joke? Okay for you...You're healing, and I am happy about that- go at your pace, and as always,I wish you well..

The CEO said...

Thanks for the laughs! Happy Sunday.

Monty

Lois Grebowski said...

I like being offended like that!

Mike M said...

O to da hizzle!! Funny as he11!!!!

M@ said...

Ahhh, thanks for bringing me back to 1992, ODAT.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Hope you had a pleasant weekend Odat. I love them all, but the last one is very, very true. Big hug honey. :)