Happy Sunday

JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE (I'm sure you've all heard these before, but they just cracked me up). Enjoy, or not. ;-)


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag>

Why is divorce so expensive?>
Because it's worth it.>
>
> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?>
> Doughnuts>
>
> Why is air a lot like sex?
> > Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>>
> What do you call a smart blonde?>
> > A golden retriever.>
>
> What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> 10 years and 45 lbs
>
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?>
> 45 minutes
>
>> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?>
> Through his chest with a sharp knife

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
>>
> Why is it so hard for w omen to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
>
> Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
>
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> Because they have cotton balls.
>
> What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? >
> A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>
> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> "Are you sure it's mine?">
>
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> Mace will do that to you.
>
> Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
> Everyone has the same DNA.
>
> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?> >
> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> >A different bar.>
>
> Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a
> blonde baby?>
> They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
>
>>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
> A speech impediment>
>
> What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
> A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
>
> How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>
>
> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
> A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time .." -
> A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....




Peace