Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A Raise for P. Niss

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

P. Niss

The Response:

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

V. Gina


Nosjunkie said...

ag shame thats sweet in a funny way

buffalodickdy said...

Very funny stuff! Sex really is like Working: The older you get, the more you talk about it rather than do it!

Patti said...

this is funny, Odat ~ makes what I was going to use sound tame in comparison


Mike M said...

As the attorney for Mr. P. Niss let's be honest, Mr P. Niss is only in this job for himself. He provides no benefit to V. Gina except to plant seeds.

In light of that, Mr. Niss has agreed to allowing his assistant, Mr. Ton-gue to take on the most important task of giving V. Gina assistance in the area of gratification enhancement.

Please review the attached addendum to his employment agreement which allows Mr Ton-gue to get involved on a regular bases from now on.

I see no reason for V. Gina to take further action against Mr. Niss.

ian said...

I believe Mr. Niss is being unfairly discriminated against by Ms. Gina and may possibly have grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit. Trust me, you don't want the Labor Board involved on this one. ;)


Roger said...

Besides V. Gina is always bitching about somthing!;D

Paul said...

The penis also said, "Man this old boy is so tired!"

Matt-Man said...

Ha....Coincidentally your post and mine share a common theme today. Cheers!!

Real Live Lesbian said...

I definitely agree that Mr Ton-gue should be invited to join the party!

Hilarious post!!!

Odat said...

nos, lol.

buffalo, If ya don't use it ya lose it! (That's what "they" say anyway).

patti, you know me, once in a while I gotta throw in the shock element. heheh.

Mike, In that case, all charges are dropped!!!!!! ;-)

Ian, that's correct..NO LABOR at all!!! hehe.

roger...tsk tsk!!! ;-)

paul, no he didn't say that!! geeze! lol.

matt-man, just read yours...lmao...

Hammer said...

Well how about a pension plan? ;)

Odat said...

hammer, Is he retiring??? ;d

heartinsanfrancisco said...

What are double shifts again?

Patti said...

Odat, I had to return to see the comments on this one...

Seems like mostly men have responded...hmmmmmm

The CEO said...

I have not retired, and still do some double duty along with Mr. Tongue who works out quite a bit more often. Life is good!


katherine. said...

gonna save this one for future use....

Anonymous said...

Being a penis is a thankless job it seems. I guess it's better to be a dickhead.

Odat said...

Yeah, Ton can come, so to speak :-)

Heart, hmmmm...two?

ceo, well good for you!!! and your wife!!!!

feel free to spring it any's a good one...hehe

My, I think I'll agree with you on that one!


Michael C said...

I just knew that dude was gonna get hosed. He's so stiff and rigid.

That's what she said...sorry, couldn't resist ;-)

Open Grove Claudia said...

Poor penis. After being the single focus of so many people's attention, he can't seem to get props from the boss. sigh.

Christy said...

Lol. I nearly spit my coffee out while reading this post.