Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

From the Dog

To: God
From: The dog

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, handsignals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's,electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffeetable .

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

One of the reasons I put this dog letter up here is the fact that I almost killed the lil snot dog last night. I usually have no problems falling asleep. I was really, really tired too. I put my lil head on my big pillow. He goes into his lil bed. And then, THE SNORING STARTS! (not me, of course). I feel bad for the lil guy. He can't help it that he was bred to look like a person. He has no snout. Has no way to get air into his lil brain! He makes lots of noises while he's awake even. Snorts like a pig! I move him. I pet him. I really feel sorry for him. I may have to have his nose done. He continues to snore in my ear! I usually don't hear this cause I'm fast asleep, but for some reason I couldn't fall asleep last night. (I wonder if it was that large iced coffee from Starbucks I had at 7pm?) Oh well........he's still alive and well today and I still love him, snorts and snores and all.
(Oh, by the way, he still has his testicles. Maybe if,......hmmmm.....will that make him snore less?)



Skittles said...

Sorry about your not sleeping but that post was GREAT!!! Glad to know it's just not my dog that does all that stuff :)

Lizza said...

Oh, how cute, your dog seems to act like a person. Does he growl at his reflection in the mirror?

Laughed at the dog's letter to God. :-D

Meloncutter said...

I have a serious problem with number 11. If I could set in the middle of the living room floor and lick my balls I would never leave the house. give the little guy a break.

Later Y'all

Odat said...

skittles, yeah...I guess all dogs do the same kinda

My dog doesn't growl when he sees his reflection in the mirror but his ears go up and he starts wagging his tail. He thinks it's a playmate for him.

I suppose you've got a point there. LOL

Matt-Man said...

Dear Dog:

You have an entire Bus Line named after your species. One billion Chinese worship you every so often, and your biggest concern is whether to eat or sleep. Shut the hell up and be grateful.


Michael C said...

That was HYSTERICAL!!!!!!!! I really enjoyed it. I hear in medical journals they're saying that Starbucks has found to be less than effective as a sleep aid ;-)

Odat said...

Dear God (thru Matt-Man)... but busses are just not cool...and I just want to be worshipped by ODAT....and NO I WON"T SHUT UP!
(you can't make me).

Thanks, and no more Starbucks after 12 noon for me!


mist1 said...

That was adorable.

Lee said...

Darnit....I thought I left an incredibly witty and charming comment was about renaming my dog "StirFry" after he rolled in deer poop two days in a row. He was scared cuz he knows I'm Asian.

Steven Novak said...

We don't smell eachothers butts because of lawsuits, restraining orders, and jail time you silly dog. ;)


Simon said...

ahahaha...that's very funny.
Thanks for sharing

ShadowFalcon said...

lol your dog is a philosopical genius

Odat said...

(from the dog of course).

Lee, with a lil oyster sauce on the side? lol..your poor pooch!
I'd be scared too.

Steve, I'm going to send him to Paw School...lmao.

Simon, thanks for the visit.

He is

Claudia said...

That was cat actually snores....very softly but that is definitely snoring going on there.

Crankster said...

Odat, that was great. I'm impressed that you showed such restraint. I probably would have exiled him to another room.

ian said...

I laughed out loud several times reading this. I love my dog. The love of a dog is completely unconditional: who else will gleefully eat the same food every day without complaint, will stand at the door watching you leave, and will pine for you until you return, and is ALWAYS happy to see you when you come home no matter what?


Odat said...

Wow, a snoring cat too huh? lol

Crank, Yeah I'm a lil too patient at times...must be because he's just sooo cute ;-).

Yeah, isn't that a great thing about animals?????

The CEO said...

Isn't existentialism wonderful! Look at all the stories you had, I am so impressed.

Robin said...

Hi....found you through Skittles. Ah, dogs. We have a puppy ( and sleeping is hell. He rummages around his crate like he's at the Salvation Army Thrift Store. Love Him dearly, but I feel Your pain.