From the Dog

To: God
From: The dog

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, handsignals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's,electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffeetable .

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

One of the reasons I put this dog letter up here is the fact that I almost killed the lil snot dog last night. I usually have no problems falling asleep. I was really, really tired too. I put my lil head on my big pillow. He goes into his lil bed. And then, THE SNORING STARTS! (not me, of course). I feel bad for the lil guy. He can't help it that he was bred to look like a person. He has no snout. Has no way to get air into his lil brain! He makes lots of noises while he's awake even. Snorts like a pig! I move him. I pet him. I really feel sorry for him. I may have to have his nose done. He continues to snore in my ear! I usually don't hear this cause I'm fast asleep, but for some reason I couldn't fall asleep last night. (I wonder if it was that large iced coffee from Starbucks I had at 7pm?) Oh well........he's still alive and well today and I still love him, snorts and snores and all.
(Oh, by the way, he still has his testicles. Maybe if,......hmmmm.....will that make him snore less?)

Peace